Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Tortuous Tuesdays

Since I've failed miserably on delivering new and exciting movie reviews every Monday evening, I've decided to instill "Tortuous Tuesdays" (because it's my blog, and I'll do as I wish.)

I've so fondly named it "tortuous" because there are few words that begin with the letter "T" that could describe this fine creature below me:

Because just looking at him is torture. I could have used "titillating," but that word just makes me uncomfortable.

I know many of my friends who have celebrity crushes, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. And any girl (or guy!) who is reading this, I know you have one too, so please refrain from raising your nose up in distaste. For me, it's Bradley Cooper. Even with his God-awful frosted tips and frat-tastic behavior (these two attributes should never go together) in Wedding Crashers, not to mention that awkward baby seal impression...I still just cannot resist this All-American boy.

"And I was holding this tiny baby seal and it looked up at me and went 'arr, arr arr! and then I wiped its little nose and it went 'arr, arr arr arrr arr"'

FYI: Sean's celebrity crush is Rachel McAdams. Ironic, no?
We are officially not allowed to watch Wedding Crashers together.

...Or any other movie for that matter where her gorgeous smile, bright blue eyes and bee-stung, red lips make me feel increasingly inferior with every perfectly contrived giggle that escapes them.

It's sad because I really do love her as an actress, but both of us drooling over the television screen in perfect harmony is not a sight I'd like to see.

Plus, I think it would end in both of us feeling severely insecure by the end of the movie.

But enough about Rachel. This is about Bradley. And all of his glory:
There's nothing lazy about this river I TELL YOU WHAT!

I was informed the other day that for some reason he was in Pompano Beach, FL. We were in the process of painting all of the baseboards in my house, so when I was relayed this information, I had to suppress every urge to jump into my car and troll every inch of Pompano for this Adonis-like specimen, I picked up my brush like a responsible and controlled adult, and kept slathering on that white paint onto the bottoms of my walls. Because I am an awesome daughter helping my mother with her house. And because I can't find my way out of a paper bag...leaving me about a 1 in 1,000,000 chance of finding him anyway.

So friends, I will leave you with these "tortuous" photos:

And yes...I know he played a homosexual camp counselor in the cult comedy "Wet Hot American Summer"

..and an embarassing role in "The Midnight Meat Train" (Believe it or not, it's actually a suspenseful thriller despite the suggestive title.) It was awful. Everybody gets one:

OK, maybe two. Enter "All About Steve" (for which he received a Razzie):

Poor Brad, he just can't stay away from the frosted tips.

Oh well. I'm a sucker for a guy with blue eyes. Maybe that's how I got so lucky and landed my Knight in Shining Guy Harvey :) 

1 comment:

Bailey said...

Oh I too swoooooooncity over B.Coops. Can you imagine if we were living together these days? Trapped in the dead of winter in a tiny dorm room cell? WIth only B.Coops movies to keep us warm?? It would be SICK and SAD...and sexy?