Friday, April 30, 2010

Fourth meal...or Fifth meal...maybe sixth meal?

So right now my house in West Palm is being turned upside down while it's renovated and prepared to be put on the market. This basically means that every morning at 8 AM my buddy Juan, (my new BFF from Home Depot), comes in and starts hacking away at the floorboards in my kitchen like a crazed Britney Spears with an umbrella (we all remember when she went nuts and hit that car with a shaved head, right?). Anyways, Juan finished pulling up the boards last night and put this crazy resin on the floor that we were not allowed to step on until this morning.

...Now here's my issue. Anyone who was unfortunate enough to live with me senior year in college (my amazing and tolerant roommates Emj, Ann, Katie, even J-Stan (might as well have been our roommate)) knows that I have some sleeping problems.  So to remedy this little issue I take Ambien. Now they claim their side effects are: "engaging in activity such as driving, eating, or making phone calls and later having no memory of the activity" (thank you, WebMD)...I'm sad to say this is incredibly accurate. So around 12:30 at night I go from being a restless Courtney, to something a little more reminiscent of this guy:

om nom nom nom nom!!! Cookies!?!?

I will eat the most random combination of food in the fridge. Got some hot dogs in there? got some frozen corn? That sounds like a normal combination of a meal, right? I've eaten ravioli with no recollection and nachos without knowledge. Emj's poor frozen burritos served as collateral damage probably more than once.

Well, Lisa (my mom) is privy to my "eating habits" and so she warned me that I was NOT allowed in the kitchen because the resin was drying. Apparently, her verbal warning was not enough, she had to make physical obstructions as well to take further precaution. What nerve!

Clearly, my mom has no faith in my self-restraint. And clearly, she shouldn't:

From that footprint it looks like I slid into the kitchen. But, somehow, in my graceful dexterity of a cat, i was able to "leap" into the kitchen, pivot on one foot while opening the fridge, and pull out the leftover chicken from two nights ago. Kind of creates a paradigm of being both incredibly impressive and utterly pathetic, no?

*sidenote: "pivot" was a nod to my Kent roommate of 4 years, Ms. Bailey Daniel; I'm almost positive we watched the "Friends" episode where Ross moves the couch up the stairs whilst yelling "PIV-OT...PIV-OT...PIV-AT" at least 200 times*

I took this photo this morning...after Lisa politely asked "Court, did you try to get into the kitchen last night?" Where obviously, my quick response was a cool: "No, don't be silly, the resin was still drying, I would have gotten stuck."

I should have taken a picture of my socks that were worn at the scene of the crime. But give me a little credit here, I'm a Criminology major, and I've seen enough episodes of Law & Order to know that you should always dispose of the evidence!


Bailey Quin said...

Oh my GOD Court I am dying, I was reading this on my phone and when I saw the pivot I turned to Pete and was like DO YOU REMEMBER THAT FRIENDS EPISODE, and he looked at me like I was insane. Then I scrolled down to see that you shouted it out!!! GAH I love yoU!

Eliza said...

I love your blog! It's HILARIOUS! And I just have to say, as a Friends fanatic, that the PI-VOT episode is one of my favorites! I'm excited to read more about your adventures :)